blah blah stuff
So I'm continuing to mull over myself. I've begun to face up to something that I've long known, namely that I go out of my way to protect other people from myself. I don't tell people things about myself, not because I don't feel comfortable talking about them, but because me talking about them makes other people uncomfortable. I don't want to contaminate anyone with my own personal darkness. Like I am dangerous just to be near because me being what I am makes people sad.
I just thought to myself that I had better keep my boyfriend off of my backlist so that he doesn't read this blog and get upset by the things that I think, that I hope my father doesn't find it while out blog trolling for people with common interests because then he might feel bad about not being first rate father material if he reads some of my earlier posts.
I hate secrets, but they can be so necessary. Especially if I want to blend in with everyone else. I've written about that before.
Now that I've had my profound thought for the predawn hour- off to caffeinate. There are midterms in my future.
I just thought to myself that I had better keep my boyfriend off of my backlist so that he doesn't read this blog and get upset by the things that I think, that I hope my father doesn't find it while out blog trolling for people with common interests because then he might feel bad about not being first rate father material if he reads some of my earlier posts.
I hate secrets, but they can be so necessary. Especially if I want to blend in with everyone else. I've written about that before.
Now that I've had my profound thought for the predawn hour- off to caffeinate. There are midterms in my future.
posted by jen at 12:23 AM
3 Comments:
Hi Jen, I often have feelings that seem a little similar to this. Sometimes I go for days not wanting to go anywhere. There are times when I will go for a drive or something with my husband when I feel this way. Sometimes he will stop somewhere, but I will be reluctant to get out of the car because I don't want anyone to have to see me. I feel contaminated, unfit to have others have to tolerate looking at me.
I feel ya.. Secrets can be a bitch... Even though my life is an open book, there are so many things still held deep inside
The kicker is that I don't keep them for me- I keep them to keep me from putting other people off...or something like that.
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